The Green Sock Expedition
by QofNaboo
Summary: I got really really bored, and this is what happened. Ya know those green socks Ewan wore on the Late Show? Yeah...really funny!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I own nada. I don't even have my own pair of green socks (pouts…:note to self: get green socks). I doubt Ewan will ever read this but just in case he or an associate of his does, I meant no harm by writing this, and I hope I don't offend anyone in any way. PS: I worship the ground you walk on!  
  
Story Line: Boredom is dangerous I tell you! This is a very silly, very twisted Star Wars - related fic, involving the green socks Ewan McGregor wore on the Late Show with David Letterman. Beware - untamed insanity on my part. A surprise ending people! Stick with it to the end!  
  
It was a typical Friday. Guenever had already arrived at my house, and as usual we lay on my blue battered couch trying to think of how to fulfill our boredom. We had already picked up the new shipment of comics, already read them and our own books-in-progress. She had already gotten her trademark cup of tap water and I my Ovaltine hit for the afternoon. Now what should we do? I rolled around to face her.  
"Guen?"  
"What did you bring?" I motioned to her stuffed Tommy Hilfiger bag she usually had with her.  
She gave me a wide grin, "Ewan," she stated.  
Instantly I was energized and popped up to get the bag, "Shut up! He wouldn't fit in here," nevertheless I began rummaging through the sack anyway.  
"No," she got up and delivered a bop on my head, "I brought the tape."  
"The tape? Oh, the tape!" I smiled excitedly and lunged for the VCR. "Wait a minute, not Velvet Goldmine again? The only good part in that movie was when he poured glitter in his hair. Oh, and 'tell Mr. Monkey we're having a funky,' that was funny. What was that stuff he rubbed all over himself anyway?"  
Guen stared at me blankly, "Caitlin, who cares? He was pouring something down his chest and touching himself."  
"Good point," I stated blankly, now jealous of whatever liquid it was that he had poured all over the place. "Completely perfect except for that bellybutton of his," I said mostly to myself.  
Guen sighed loudly, "He was naked and you concentrate on his bellybutton."  
"Bellybuttons are important, you know!" I argued.  
Guen just shook her head at me, "Bellybutton," she said, "you look not at his glistening, glittering chest, but his bellybutton."  
"I paid plenty of attention to the rest of him. Just the blond hair and the bellybutton threw me off."  
"There's nothing wrong with blond hair!" Guen exclaimed. She liked blondes and I didn't, so this was a classic argument between us.  
"Yeah, that's why you go for Luke," I teased, yet another classic argument.  
"No, Luke doesn't have chest hair," she stated simply.  
"Neither does Ewan in Velvet Goldmine," I countered.  
"Well, he does in real life."  
"True. So what's on this tape?"  
"He's in our city as we speak, last night he did the Late Show and this morning he did the Today Show and Regis."  
"Whoa, feel the vibes man. He's in the same city! We've gotta go hunt him down!" I started waving my arms around so I could 'feel the vibes.' Guen just laughed at me and slipped in the tape.  
*One hour later, after watching all of his appearances*  
I wiped the drool from my chin and lay down on my wood floor, sighing, "I love his accent," I cooed.  
"I love him," Guen said as she switched off the tape.  
"Well," I sat up, "That goes without saying."  
"It's not fair," I beat the floor with my fists, "That hostess got a big hug from him. And she was totally drooling over him, that's our job!"  
"Regis said he's expecting another baby," Guen humored me. I just dropped my head to the floor and wailed. She patted me sympathetically. I rolled and sat up again, pondering.  
"He changes clothes a lot."  
"Rich people do that, Caitlin," Guen shook her head at me mock-condescendingly.  
"He must have been hot underneath that black windbreaker he wore on Dave…" I trailed off dreamily.  
"Hot and sweaty," Guen completed the thought, "I bet you would've helped him with that."  
"With pleasure," I grinned and put my hands behind my head, "it had a zipper, very easy access to what's underneath…"  
"Mmmmmm," Guen acknowledged, equally dreamily.  
"But seriously, he changed clothes at least three times, maybe more," I started up again. Not getting much of a response from my dreaming friend, I sighed and began to wonder about the minor details, "I wonder where those green socks ended up."  
Guenever burst out laughing.  
"I say we hit the city and find him, he's probably out partying in some club," I offered her.  
"Sure Cadi, I'll print up the fake ID's and you pay for train fare," Guen mused.  
"Okay, okay, can we at least go into Manhattan and scope out the ritzy hotels?"  
"Sure," Guen stated. I couldn't tell if she was serious or not, so I got up to get ready to go.  
*One hour later, in Manhattan*  
Guen and I stood just outside the train station stairwell, deciding where to go first. She had put together her gold platform shoes, tight black sparkling pants and her tight silver shirt, topped with a braid and a Yoda baseball cap. I had managed to throw together my darkest blue flare jeans and purple camisole with my gray woven over-shirt and purple boots, with my hair down as usual. In a sentence- we had dressed in clothing we wanted Ewan to see us in. The Plaza would be a likely target, so we started walking.   
"What if he threw the green socks in the laundry chute of the hotel?" I asked my counterpart as we neared the Plaza.  
"Then we'll just have to find them," she said.  
Suddenly I started jumping like a maniac, scaring the people on the street, but I always do that, so Guen wasn't too shocked, "I have an idea!"  
"Oh no," Guen said grimly.  
"A really goooooooooood idea," I continued.  
"Do tell," Guen feared the worst.  
"We pose as new maids on our first night of work, that will get us into both the laundry room and maybe even Ewan's room!" I continued jumping.  
"You're crazy," Guen said.  
"That's why I hang out with you, remember?"  
"And how do we get past security?"  
"We use the Force," I said, waving my hand, mocking a Jedi mind trick.  
"Fair enough," Guen said, leading the way inside the Plaza Hotel. The security guard gave us a once-over as we approached the desk. I fought down my shyness and looked at him innocently.  
"Um, hi," I said to him, he remained motionless, "we're the two new maids that were hired, tonight's our first shift," I said, praying he would buy it. The man gave us a snooty expression.  
"Very well," he said, "I'll need to see your official papers so I can give you your ID tags."  
Crap, I thought. I glanced at Guen, who was buying this about as much as the security guard. I took a deep breath and held it for a second, then concentrated and waved my hand, "You don't need to see our official papers," I bit my lip and prayed again that this would work.  
After a moment his eyes glazed over with absence, "I don't need to see your official papers," he repeated. Guen stared at me with amazement, I just shrugged at her with equal surprise. Apparently the Force was with us tonight. I smiled and waved my hand again, "You will give us our ID tags without further questioning."  
"I will give you your ID tags without further questioning," the man repeated and motioned for us to follow him. Moments later we came out with brand new Plaza Hotel ID tags, picture and all. We followed the security guard back to the desk. I was enjoying my power trip.  
"Now," I said persuasively, "you will tell me if Ewan McGregor is here, and what room he's in."  
The security guard blankly checked the computer and within seconds told us that he was in room 510. After an excited giggle fit I thanked the guard and went with Guen to the elevators. Within seconds we had been zipped up to the 5th floor. Approaching room 510, I stopped abruptly.  
"Guen-?" I asked quietly.  
"Yeah Caitlin?" she responded quickly enough.  
"I can't do it," I said in a quivering voice.  
"What?" my best friend asked in disbelief, "What do you mean you can't do it? We just went through all that to get here."  
"I'm afraid I'll do something stupid," Guen rolled her eyes at me, "I could die."  
"Die of what?" she said skeptically.  
I gave a small smile with my response, "Die of happiness, I could hyperventilate…" I was cut short as Guen pulled me by the hand towards the room.  
"You got us all the way up here," she was saying, "you can't freak out now."  
"Guen! No! Leggo! Ah!" I tried to fight her grip on my wrist but she held fast. We neared the door and she clasped her hand over my mouth, "Shut up Cadi! Just breathe, okay? I'll do the talking," so as usual Guen took over as the brains of the operation as I faded out.  
With a deep breath she gave a small knock on the door, all the while holding me. Completely catatonic, I stumbled and fell against the door. Guen attempted to pull me off, but to no avail. Inside I could hear water being turned off and I gulped as I tried to regain logical thinking.  
"'Oo is it?" came a man's voice from inside- a voice Guen and I recognized immediately. That snapped me out of it and I jolted straight up, breathing quickening by the second. Guen looked at me and put her finger to her lips telling me to keep quiet.  
"Room service," she called politely.  
"Oh! Come in, come in!" came the cheery response and the unlatching of the door. The door swung open seconds later to reveal a lavish hotel room and a figure ducking behind the bathroom door. Guen examined the place and then pushed me forward into the room so she could shut the door. I was breathing so fast things were starting to get fuzzy. Guen grasped me by the shoulders and looked me in the eye.  
"Caitlin, this is your chance to meet Ewan McGregor, you want to be conscious so you can remember him, right?"  
I nodded my head rapidly.  
"Ok, so slow down your breathing, and concentrate on calming yourself down," she commanded. Eventually I managed to follow her directions and calmed down a bit. I could hear a doorknob being turned and looked toward the room the figure had disappeared into before.  
And from the room appeared a god- most of you know him as Ewan McGregor- in a pair of sweats and a white undershirt, toweling off his fuzzy auburn hair. He smiled politely at us, ""Ello girls, what can I do for you?" he said with that marvelous Scottish accent of his. Guen blinked, and then blinked harder. A small gasp escaped me, and suddenly I was overcome with euphoria. I dropped down to the floor, bowing my head as far down to the floor as I could manage, "I'm not worthy!" I said.  
Ewan looked at me, and then to Guen. He pointed at me, "Is she all right?" he said, confused.  
"Oh yeah, she's fine," Guen assured him, "we're just- really big fans," she smiled at him, savoring every second of his presence.  
"Oh ho, I see," he said, laughing. With only a slight hesitation he bent down beside me and broke my worship by tapping me on the shoulder. I looked up to find those gorgeous blues/greens/grays twinkling at me, "Ahm (Author's Note: this should be spelled 'um,' but he says it 'ahm,' cute, don't you think?), would you like an autograph or something?" he asked. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Ewan looked to Guen again for help.  
"What she's trying to say is yes, she would love an autograph, but what we really want is your clothes," she answered. Only a few seconds later did she realize how her request could be taken.  
"My clothes?" he asked, confused again by the teenaged babble.  
"Your dirty clothes," I managed to spurt out, not that it helped the situation.  
"Your laundry," Guen emphasized, "We're room service, remember?"  
It took him a second or two but Ewan came around, "Oh! Oh yes, of course," he began moving around the room to pick up the discarded garments lying around the place. I meanwhile managed to stand on my own two feet again. Guen gave me a look that told me she didn't know whether to laugh at me or shake her head in dismay. I was busy following Ewan's every move with dreamy eyes. Within a few minutes he came back to us with a pile of clothes of assorted colors. Neither of us had a bag so we removed our coats and made a makeshift sack to carry the stuff. Guen tied the sleeves of her mafia coat to the shaggy sleeves of my long dark denim one to make a nice handle to the creation. Ewan gave us a strange look but nonetheless plopped his clothing into the new sack.  
"Pleasure meeting you, girls," he said politely as he got the door for us, "will you be returning it to me when it's done?"  
"It should be done in about an hour and a half, would we be disturbing you if we came up?" Guen was the only one functional enough to ask.  
"Oh no, I should still be up," he waved his hand carelessly. With another push from Guen I managed to start moving again, "Oh! Wait!" he called to us suddenly, "I owe you an autograph," he said and began looking around for something to write with. I made one conscious thought for the night and handed him my trusty purple pen. The next problem was he needed something to write on, and neither of us could help him there. His eyes fell on the white undershirt he had on, and with visible mental debate shrugged, and pulled it off in a matter of seconds. Guen and I looked at each other as our jaws dropped in turn- this couldn't be happening. As our eyes fell on his body he started writing, but soon looked up at us again, "Sorry, I never got your names," oblivious to our stares.  
"Caitlin," I managed to speak once again, perhaps I was recovering from the initial shock, "and she's Guenever."  
A few seconds later the still-topless Ewan McGregor handed me his undershirt. My brain told my arm to move, it just didn't work, so eventually Guen raised my arm for me so he could place the shirt in my hand.  
"Ahm," he said with a witty glint in his eye, "make sure you don't wash that, now."  
"We won't," Guen complied, "See you later."  
As the door shut, Guen sighed deeply, "That was fun," she said with a grin.  
I still couldn't talk, so instead I began sorting through the laundry. It was all there, the black T-shirt and matching windbreaker- the one with the zipper, the dark jeans, the Nashville T-shirt, everything. I examined each garment, my mind flashing back to the talk shows I had seen them on.  
"Well I guess that answers the 'boxers or briefs' question," Guen joked in reference to a certain garment that was in the pile. I was slowly going back to my old self, and cracked up when she said it.   
"But-" I started, realizing something as we piled the clothes into the machine the lady down there told us was the fastest.  
"What?" Guen asked.  
"No green socks," I said, half disappointed and half curious as to why they weren't there.  
"He must've forgotten to give them to us," Guen said logically.  
"Aw man," I replied.  
*Meanwhile, back in Ewan's hotel room*  
Ewan was leisurely watching TV and sipping some tasty whiskey when he heard a rustling underneath the king-size bed. He took a look under there nonchalantly, and was surprised to find a pair of his green socks lying there.  
"Must've missed them when the girls were here," he said to nobody, chuckling quietly to himself as he remembered the taller one's look on her face when he'd emerged from the bathroom and his identity registered with her. He picked up the socks and tossed them lazily onto the bed with him to continue watching TV.   
But there was another noise under the bed. Curious and slightly annoyed, Ewan looked again.   
"Eh he he he he he," came a gravelly laugh from underneath, and Ewan's eyes widened as he realized what was under there.  
"What the-? Ah!" Ewan shouted as he was pulled under the bed.  
***  
The laundry was done soon enough, and we headed back up to Ewan's room. In control of myself this time, I proudly knocked on the door, "Mr. Ewan, sir? We're back with your laundry."  
"Mr. Ewan?" Guen cocked an eyebrow mockingly.  
"Shatap," I replied with a grin.  
There was no verbal answer, the door just unlocked and opened slowly to reveal a dark and quiet room. Guen and I exchanged a glance, but entered the room anyway.  
"Um, Mr. McGregor? We have your laundry here-" Guen offered the silence. Suddenly the lights flipped on, and a little green man jumped onto the bed. Guen and I gasped when we realized who it was.  
"Eh he he he he he he! Startled you, I did!" came the ever-so-familiar gravelly voice and a wiggle of the pointy ears.  
"That explains how the Force worked before," Guen said grimly. I smiled widely- I loved Yoda! But what was he doing here and what was on his hands. I squinted, trying to figure out what was covering his hands, and gave a loud gasp as I saw-  
The green socks.  
"Eh he he he he he! The Master of Green I am! Yes! Mine, the socks are! Mine! Eh he he he he he he!" Yoda laughed as he swigged down the last of Ewan's whiskey.   
As we stared in awe, we heard a muffled cry from the closet. Guen was the first to run over to it. As I moved to follow, I was suddenly attacked by a flying green mass. Yoda tackled me and we hit the floor. Guen didn't notice as she threw open the closet door to discover a bound and gagged Ewan, whom she quickly untied (but not without remembering those bondage conversations a while back, right Guen?). Yoda and I rolled, he was beating at me with the socks on his hands, all the while laughing insanely. Thinking fast, Guen whipped off her hat and started beating the little troll with it as Ewan pulled a broomstick from the closet he had just been in and tried to pry him off. At first Yoda went unaffected, but soon enough he saw that the cap he was being beaten with had him on it.  
"Mine!" the little demon cried as he lunged at it. Free now, I ran to the bed for a pillowcase as he proceeded to gnaw at my best friend's fingers, trying to get her to release the hat. Pillowcase ready in hand, I motioned to Ewan.  
"Can you get that stick under his robes?" I yelled over Yoda's cackling and Guen's screaming.  
"Sure," he yelled back and did so.  
"Guen, when I say so, let go of the hat!" I yelled to her.  
"No! I love this hat!"   
"Trust me, just do it!" I looked back to Ewan, whose (not to mention gorgeous, dazzling, mesmerizing, divine…ahem, back to the story) eyes told me he was ready. "Ok," I said as loud as I could, "1…2…3! Let go, Guen!" Guen followed the command and let go of the cap, while Ewan used the stick as a lever and sent Yoda flying into the air. I managed to bag him inside the pillowcase and tied it up before the wriggling green mass could escape. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ewan help Guen up.  
"Are you alright?" he asked her.  
"My hat," she said sadly, barely taking in that Ewan had just touched her.   
"It's in here," I said to both of them, extending my arm to offer them the bag, "Want me to get it?"  
"Please?" Guen said, taking the pillowcase from me so I could reach in and grab it. Carefully I wedged my hand through the tight opening and felt for the cap. Yoda started wriggling more than ever and screaming as I pulled on it. I pulled harder, wishing the midget would give up already. As if reading my thoughts, he suddenly let go and I went flying. Ewan moved fast and managed to catch me before I collided with a very expensive-looking lamp. But even before I could enjoy my new position he stood me upright, laughing heartily. I handed Guen the cap as I went back to standing by her side.   
"Ahm, well, that was exciting, wasn't it?" he said to us jokingly. We giggled feverishly in return. "I can't thank you enough girls," he said then, seriously. He clasped his hands together and shuddered at the still-wriggling pillowcase.  
"What are we going to do with him?" Guenever asked to no one in particular.  
Ewan grinned widely and led us to the perfect solution.  
We enjoyed hearing the *clunk* as the Yoda-stuffed pillowcase found the end of the laundry chute. That taken care of, Guen and I knew we had to get going. Autographed undershirt in hand, she and I looked at the god for one last time.  
"Goodbye, Mr. McGregor," Guen was the first to say.  
"Oh please, call me Ewan," he said with another of his knockout smiles.  
"Ok, goodbye Ewan. Um, do you think I could-" I had gotten a pleasant idea but decided it best not to ask.  
"Could what?" he and Guen asked in unison.  
"Never mind, I'm embarrassed to ask," I said shyly.  
"What? Tell me," he pleaded politely, his smile unfading.   
I sighed deeply, deciding to go ahead and ask anyway, "Could I have a hug?"  
"Of course! You both can!" he exclaimed pleasantly, giving us each big hugs in turn. It was a hug that squashed my jealousy of that hostess on Regis. I must've been glowing with happiness at that point, but I didn't care, because the god had hugged me.  
"Goodbye girls, and thanks for the laundry," he said laughing as he closed the door. Guen and I must've stood there grinning like idiots in the hallway for some time before we remembered the autographed undershirt. I unfolded it and read the message out loud: "To Caitlin and Guenever, May the Force be with You, Love, Ewan McGregor."  
"Wow," Guen sighed.  
"He must've noticed your cap," I thought out loud.  
"Yep," Guen said proudly.  
So a night that had begun with green socks had ended with a Yoda cap with a new special memory behind it, and the shirt straight off of Ewan McGregor's back.  
  
Tada! You like? I'm crazy I know. Bet you never suspected Yoda to make an appearance. Muahaha!  



	2. Return of the Green Socks

It had not been long since the Green Sock experience, and it was time for the annual Star Wars Weekends at Disney. Guen and I had promised each other we would never miss it again. So there we were, flown in from our home - La Manzana Grande, as I liked to call it - to Florida.   
  
It was early Friday morning, we were always together on Fridays, and Guen had brought her Vampire makeup kit with her. In turn we painted our faces Darth Maul style and slipped on the T-shirts I had bought us on my first Star Wars Weekends trip in 2000. Guen topped her outfit with her now-legendary Yoda baseball cap and I with my Darth Maul bucket hat. We were ready to celebrate.  
  
We stopped in at the fabulous Jamaican restaurant, Jonkanoo's, with makeup and all, for a bit to eat before we began the day. The cook recognized me the moment he saw the makeup, the same way it had been two years prior.  
  
"This is so great, we're going to see Ewan again!" I said between inhalants of the heavenly patties they made. Ewan, along with Hayden Christensen, had been scheduled to make appearances this particular weekend, which only added to the euphoria.   
  
"Mmm, yes. But don't forget that junior junkie Hayden," she reminded me.  
  
"But Guen! He's a child of the corn! I thought you liked blondies!" I teased her lightly.  
  
"Please, the hair doesn't help him, he looks like a drug addict, too much time spent doing 'Higher Ground,'" she replied.  
  
"No matter," I waved my hand dramatically and placed it over my heart, "No one shall ever live up to my Ewan."  
  
"Your Ewan?" Guen raised an eyebrow, "I thought we had agreed to share him? And whatever happened to being forever faithful to Ray?"  
  
"Ray will always hold an untouchable place in my heart," I smiled dreamily, "we're soul mates, you know."  
  
Guen just rolled her eyes at me.  
  
"And besides," I continued, "I have yet to meet him."  
  
"True," she said thoughtfully, "but we're in Star Wars heaven, who knows what'll happen?"  
  
*Half an hour later, in MGM Studios*  
  
Guen and I had gotten as close as we could to the small platform where Ewan and Hayden were set to appear. We jumped with anticipation, but as the red convertible pulled up and I got a glimpse of that auburn fuzz, I started to get wobbly again.  
  
"Guen?" I called out for her in a shaky voice.  
  
"Not again," she sighed as she watched me go catatonic, "breathe Caitlin," she commanded calmly. I managed to regain subliminal control, and watched with glazed eyes as the god and his younger counterpart ascended the stage before us, along with an over-enthusiastic host. Ewan had on a green shirt that read "BLUNT" and too-long cargo shorts. Guen and I gazed on as he answered his questions with his usual, natural charisma and charm, receiving undying cheer from the audience. Then it was Hayden's turn, and Ewan's eyes were free to scan over the audience.  
  
"Guen," I whispered, "do you think he'll see us?"  
  
"Most likely," she whispered back, "the more important question is: will he remember us?"  
  
As soon as she finished that question, Guen felt someone looking at her Yoda baseball cap.  
  
"Oh my God," Ewan breathed into the microphone he was holding only half-consciously to his perfect lips. Hayden and the host broke their conversation and looked at him.  
  
"Did you say something Ewan?" the ultra-happy host said loudly, an idiotic, automatic grin on his face.  
  
"Hayden, Brian (I'm guessing that's the host's name)," he said, not even breaking his stare at the cap, "there are two people I would like you to meet," he smiled at us and motioned for us to come up stage. Once again the connection between my brain and my body short-circuited, and I couldn't move. A shove from Guen got me stumbling up the stairs though, and within seconds we were standing right next to the chair that seated the god.   
  
The host gave a forced laugh, "Well, Ewan, who are these two- uh- fans of yours?"  
  
Ewan pointed slowly at us and gave our names, "This is Guenever, and this is Caitlin. I met them in New York, on a night I will never forget."  
  
Hayden eyed us, we were taking up his interview time, after all, "What happened?" he decided to ask.  
  
Ewan just now shivered a little as he realized there was a Yoda statue sitting directly behind him, but he smiled anyway, "Well, they saved me…" as he went on to retell the story of the Green Sock Expedition, reality slowly came back to me and I looked over the audience. You could tell just by looking at them who was a fan and who just happened to be there. My eyes met suddenly with a pair of deep blue ones, and my jaw dropped as I realized who it was I was staring at. I tugged on Guen's sleeve like a frantic child to get her attention.  
  
"What Cadi?" she said, startled at my sudden yanking.  
  
I knew it was futile to attempt to speak in my state, so I just extended my arm and pointed in the figure's direction. Guen followed my finger and gasped when her eyes found Ray Park.  
  
By now the others had started to look in the direction of my pointing, and a few recognized him as well. Ray was in a black tank, exposing his built arms, and denim shorts. He smiled shyly at the new attention and began to back away slowly.  
  
"Ray!" Ewan exclaimed, surprised to see him again, "Ray, come up, won't you? Hayden, this is Ray Park, I've told you about him before." Hayden only nodded blankly; he was slightly huffy about losing his interview. Everyone watched as Ray hesitantly approached the stage and stepped up, giving a small wave to the audience. He shook hands with Ewan and noticed our painted faces, which he seemed pleased to see. The host handed him his microphone, "Say Hello, Ray. Of course you all know, ladies and gentlemen, Ray Park played Darth Maul in The Phantom Menace."  
  
"'Ello," Ray said in his soft voice, in an accent that was- although still Scottish- slightly more English-sounding than Ewan's was.  
  
"Ray, I was just telling the remarkable story of how I met these fans of mine," Ewan began, very happy to see his old co-star.  
  
"I know, I was listening- a very interesting tale. Although by the looks of it, Ewan, your not the only thing they admire," his deep blue eyes flashed once again to our faces. Guen and I sighed dreamily in unison.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure. But you should've seen Caitlin when she first laid eyes on me, she dropped to the floor," Ewan said proudly. As if triggered by his words, my eyes rolled back in my head and I began to fall back. Guen managed to catch me and give me a shove forward in an attempt to get me back on my feet. Instead I kept going and this time fell forward-  
  
-Straight into the waiting arms of Ray Park. Guen shrugged at him helplessly. Ray smiled awkwardly, trying to shake me back into consciousness, "Caitlin…?"  
  
"Oh ho! Two can play at that game, friend," Ewan laughed heartily and swooped an unsuspecting Guen into his arms. Guen yelped in shock, but didn't struggle. She happily wrapped her arms around his neck for - um- security - right. The crowd ooh-ed and ah-ed, starting to pick up on the competition. Not knowing what else to do, Guen stretched out to boot Caitlin awake. It worked, and suddenly my eyes opened. It took me a while to realize where I was, but then I grinned and nearly passed out again. I waved my fingers at my best friend, "Hi Guen," then rose my eyes to Ewan's, "Hi Ewan." Next I swiveled my head to face the beautiful creature that was holding me, "And hello, Ray."  
  
Ray smiled triumphantly at Ewan, who glared in return, a look that Guen found most enticing. She watched him as he thought about what to do, and then as his eyes fell on a slip of white coming out from underneath Caitlin's shirt. "Aha!" he exclaimed, now being the triumphant one, "that's my shirt she's got on!"  
  
"What?" Ray asked in confusion.  
  
"Look, I'll show you, give'er here," Ewan tossed Guen up into the air to be received by Ray, and Ray reciprocated. Within seconds I landed in Ewan's arms, and Guen in Ray's.   
  
"'Ello," Ewan said to me, "would you stand up for me, love?"  
  
My world exploded with happiness as I stood listlessly, he just called me 'love.' But I was snapped out of it very quickly as I felt hands going for my shirt, and the look on my face must've been very strange. Then I remembered, I had worn Ewan's autographed undershirt, and he must've wanted to show it off. Focusing on breathing, I put my arms up so he could get the Weekends T-shirt over my head. A moment later the autographed undershirt was revealed and Ewan pointed at it proudly, "You see? I gave that to her, straight off my back!"  
  
Ray thought for a second and then stood Guen and removed her Weekends T-shirt to the white tank beneath it. Making sure Ewan was watching him, he whipped out a dark black pen and (with his left hand, lefties rock!) autographed Guen's shirt. Then, loudly and proudly, he read what he wrote out loud, "Dear Guenever and Caitlin, Join me, and together we shall rule the galaxy! *All* my love, Ray Park."  
  
Guen and I stared at each other, the two gods were competing over us! How many times had we dreamed about a day like this?  
  
"Why don't you two just duke it out and be done with it?" Hayden interjected. His suggestion provoked devilish grins from both men. Soon enough lightsabers emerged from the crowd and were passed to their respective users.   
  
"Remember this, Ewan?" Ray was grinning widely, Guen and I stepped out of the way.  
  
"Like I learned it yesterday, Ray," Ewan advanced a little.  
  
"But there's no stunt double for you this time, nor a Qui-Gon Jinn to help you."  
  
"I can help hi-" Hayden began to stand up.  
  
"Sit down, boy," Ewan commanded sternly, just as if he really was Hayden's Master. Hayden obeyed without a word.  
  
And so our two gods began the Duel of Fates, as quick and lethal and anyone could remember it being. Guen and I watched, having no idea what to do. The two men seemed to be enjoying the exercise, as was the cheering crowd. Even this early on in the fight, we began to see that Ray was more efficient and precise in his moves, and Ewan was the first to break a sweat. I was enjoying the show, but I didn't want either of them to get hurt. My attention was snapped back to the fight suddenly as I heard a loud crack and a gasp from the crowd. Ewan had managed to break off one end of Ray's double-bladed saber. Our eyes fell on him as he grinned proudly, already preparing himself to continue. Ray showed no changes in emotion or confidence, just eyed his opponent and smiled to himself. In one smooth action he came at Ewan with a fresh ferocity, and it was only a matter of time until Ewan's own saber began to splinter. Shattered to the point of uselessness, he dropped it and bravely charged to begin hand to hand combat   
with Ray. Ray welcomed the attack. With lightning fast agility he delivered a swift kick to Ewan, knocking him off his feet. The crowd gasped in fear and shock, but Ewan rolled with the kick and managed to stand within seconds. Bracing himself for another attack, Ewan suddenly started laughing hysterically. Ray was confused at first, but soon enough he found himself laughing. The crowd caught the contagious laughter as well.  
  
Guen and I glanced at each other, what had just happened? Was that it? The fight was over? Now what were they going to do? I blankly picked our Weekends T-shirts off the floor, handed Guen hers, and slipped mine back on. Without a word, we turned our attention back to the gods.  
  
Ewan was recovering from his laughing fit now. Ray, shaking his head with amusement, extended his (left!) hand to Ewan. Ewan shook it heartily, and then looked at us with glittering eyes. I was surprised to find I could fight the sudden wobble in my knees this time- with great effort, of course.  
  
"Well girls," he said, glancing to Ray, "I guess Ray and I will be sharing your admiration."  
  
"Yes," Ray said, looking at us carefully.  
  
"You already did," I said blankly, receiving a jab from Guen and a look that said "Let them fight." But the fight was over, and it reminded me of the fights among best friends: fast and hard, but ending with peace and laughter.   
  
"Oh," moaned Ewan suddenly, and clutched at his chest. He looked up at us bashfully, "I think I've got a bruised rib." Ray quietly looked down at his bloodied right knee, and looked at us but said nothing.  
  
"Poor babies," Guen favored, "both of you need to be cleaned up," she was talking to them, but looking at me happily.  
  
"We can take them to the face painting tents," I offered, "I know they have first-aid kits stashed there."  
  
"Okay," Guen said, observing the gods again, "which one do you want to help walk there?" she whispered to me.  
  
I observed the injured hotties, I was taller than Ray, but Ewan had an inch or two over my head. Ray would probably have an easier time walking with Guen, and Ewan with me. Although I hated choosing, I signaled to Guen that I would take Ewan, who was keeled over at the moment. Slowly and nervously I walked over to him and touched his shoulder. He winced at the pressure, and I retracted my hand so he could stand up. The poor baby hung his arm on my shoulders as we descended the stage. Guen followed with Ray after us. The host looked at us leaving, then to the crowd, and back at Hayden. He forced himself to break his frown into a smile.  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen, give a big hand for Ewan McGregor and Ray Park!" he exclaimed and received a roaring applause from the audience in return. He picked up a loose microphone from the floor of the stage and handed and resumed his interview with the now-happy Hayden.  
  
*Five minutes later, inside the face-painting tents*  
  
I was surprised and very pleased to find that the twin Darth Maul face-painters that had been there in 2000 had returned, and they were glad to let us use the back to clean the boys up. Trying very hard to stay professional, Guen and I attempted to examine our gods.  
  
"It looks like you're saving me again, girls," Ewan said, somewhat sheepishly, as he carefully removed his T-shirt, wincing as he fought the pain.Guen, forever the functional one, was progressing much faster than I was, but Ray was also in much better shape than Ewan.   
  
"Our pleasure," Guen said, almost to herself, as she turned back to Ray with fresh gauze. I had turned to hear what Guen was saying, but upon seeing Ray- his shirt removed and muscular chest exposed- I had to turn around again in order to breathe. Deciding to hold my breath this time, I examined Guen, who was biting her lip to maintain her consciousness. I had to blink several times before resuming my work with Ewan. My back to him, I arranged some gauze with alcohol, and prepared to clean the gash on his shoulder. In my first attempt to turn around, unfortunately, I kept going to do a full 360 due to sudden dizziness. I tried Guen's technique of biting my lip to maintain control, and tried again.  
  
"Ah," Ewan grimaced again upon contact with the alcohol-dampened cloth.  
  
"Sorry," I whispered, trying to be as gentle as I possibly could. He was lucky I was good with blood.  
  
"Right here," I could hear Ray telling Guen as he pointed to a point in his neck. Guen looked down at her long, sharp nails- it was more likely she would cut him open his these than work that kink out of his neck. She turned to me to see what she could do, "Cait?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Can you give massages?"  
  
"Um- my aunt used to pay me to do them. With my family's luck with cars, I spent a lot of time in a chiropractor's office, you know," I told her, still maintaining my concentration on the task at hand.  
  
"Then- want to switch? I don't want to scratch him," Guen motioned to Ray with her head as she put her hands up to display her lengthy fingernails.  
  
"Okay," I said tentatively, "Just- um- finish his shoulder. And if I'm not done by then, check out that rib he said was hurting before," leaving Ewan in the hands of Guen, I walked to Ray.  
  
"Show me where?" I asked the dark-haired god before me. He carefully touched a point on the lower part of his neck, close to where it connected with his collarbone. Trying to remember the muscle charts in the chiropractor's office, I held my breath and gently prodded the spot.  
  
Ray couldn't fight a wince as I discovered the tight knot of muscle in his neck. I met his ocean-blue eyes with my best sympathetic look for a second, an attempt at a distraction from the work my hands were doing on his neck. Very slowly, with a lot of resistance, I began to feel the knot being kneaded away. I heard Ray sigh as his pain started to be relieved. I smiled to myself; I had remembered how to do this after all.  
  
"Ouch! That's the one!" I heard Ewan exclaim. I turned my head to peek at their activity. Guen had been pressing gently on each of his ribs, trying to find the damaged one. Obviously, she had found it. She put together a bag of ice to prevent any swelling.  
  
"This might be easier if you laid down," she told the god quietly, and from the look in her eye I could tell there were a dozen related thoughts running wickedly through her head. I smiled at her evilly, we were most definitely connected. Ewan followed her command without protest and she pressed the bag of ice to his injured rib.   
  
"Can I ask you a question?" the soft voice snapped my attention back to my patient, whose neck was almost completely worked out now. I cursed myself for letting him see me drift off, I had sworn to myself I would be "forever faithful" to Ray, long before I had even fallen for Ewan.   
  
"You just did," I kidded mildly. He laughed quietly in response.  
  
"Do you and your friend- you know- really regard Ewan and I equally?"  
  
"Of course," I assured him. He didn't seem to believe me though. His neck was cured of its twisted knot, and reluctantly I took my hands off of him. "But you know," I leaned in so that Ewan wouldn't hear, "we liked you first."  
  
"Really?" he said, pleased. I put my finger to my lips to tell him that info was strictly on the DL, he nodded and tightened his lips. Looking back at Guen again, who was wiping down a bruise on Ewan's shin, I walked slowly back to my original patient.  
  
"I fixed him," I told Guen pleasantly as I looked over Ewan. I replace her hand with my own over the cloth and nodded toward Ray.  
  
"K," she acknowledged. She returned to Ray and looked him over once again. Guen was hoping to find a reason to prolong her time with him- and she found one. Gone unnoticed by Ray, there was a long scrape running across his shoulder blades. How it got there, Guen couldn't begin to imagine, but nonetheless it looked pretty nasty.  
  
"Look at you," she said as she prepared another cleaning cloth with alcohol, "I bet you didn't even realize this was here."  
  
"What was?"  
  
"Exactly," Guen said. Ray hissed with realization as she pressed the stinging alcohol to the wound, "Sorry," she whispered. Suddenly Ray straightened up.  
  
"I can take it, I've had worse," he said, trying to be manly.  
  
"Have you now?" Ewan piped up from across the way. I tried to give him a discouraging look, but he didn't pick up. I saw Ray's questioning gaze fall over his friend, who was still lying with ice over his ribs.  
  
"You forget I've been involved in martial arts since I was seven," Ray said quietly, making a poor attempt at hiding the bragging tone, "I've seen injuries far worse than these cuts and bruises."  
  
"A likely story," Ewan said, challenge in his voice.  
  
Feeling more comfortable now, I scoffed at him, "Are you always this rowdy?" I asked him, immediately clenching my teeth down on my tongue afterwards. But he just looked up at me with amusement, a devious twinkle in his constantly changing eyes, they were green this time.  
  
"Of course," he said, pretending to be indignant.  
  
"So this is what happens when two Scottish guys play with lightsabers," Guen said sardonically.  
  
"Of course!" came the proud response from the both of them.  
  
"Hey, if it's not Scottish, it's crap," I said jokingly, receiving yet another proud cheer from our two patients. I gently picked up the ice resting on Ewan's ribs and took a look, it was a lovely purple color, but the swelling had improved. I scrounged around for some of the wider bandages- and eventually found a wide spool of cotton gauze.  
  
"Okay," I said, turning back to the god, "we've got to wrap up those ribs of yours. Stand up?" I asked, surprised at my own composure- was I getting used to sharing space with gods? Slowly Ewan slid himself off the table he'd been lying on and lifted his arms so I could work the gauze around him.  
  
"Don't overdo it, he'll look like a mummy," Guen said laughing.  
  
"Girls?" Ray attempted to get our attention. Guen turned to look at him, but had to swing her neck around again to look at what he was pointing at.  
  
"Ehehehehehehehehehehehe!" came the gravelly voice from somewhere below. I looked to Guen, and sure enough her eyes told me what I had been thinking.  
  
"Uh-oh," I mumbled. I inconspicuously pointed at the other spools of gauze behind me, and, just as inconspicuously, Guen snuck along the edges of the tent towards it. Ray slid down to the floor, favoring his freshly-bandaged knee as he did so. Without a sound he crawled closer to where the voice had come from. Ewan's eyes widened with recognition and fear, "No," he breathed. I pressed my finger to my lips to silence him, and gave him a look that told him to stay still.   
  
"Get back at you I will! Get away with throwing a Jedi Master down a laundry chute, you will not! The green socks, I still have, yes! Ehehehehehehehe!" Came the battle cries of Yoda, who lunged from wherever he had been hiding, green socks in hand, to the very top of Ewan's head, who froze upon contact. Making a swipe for the spool of gauze, Guen grabbed it and started unrolling. Ray sprung up from his hiding place and snatched the little green troll from Ewan's head. He held the wriggling midget tightly against his chest, Yoda all the while biting at him and whipping at his face with the green socks. Guen threw the other end of the spool to me and we headed for Ray with the gauze spread between us. Working as fast as we could, we wrapped the wriggling Yoda over and over again in the gauze, until the wrapping was so thick he ceased to move. Ewan had pushed himself into a corner, curled up and rocking back and forth, knees clasped in his arms. He knew what Yoda was capable of.  
  
"How do we dispose of him this time?" Guen asked while I attempted to coax Ewan out of the corner.  
  
"I don't know," Ray said, pondering.  
  
"Give him to a Jawa, they like to take things," I said from the corner as I recalled the mugging attempt one had made on me two years ago.  
  
"You're going to give that thing to them?" Ewan asked with a shudder, coming back to reality.  
  
"There's really no where else to put him," Guen said, sealing the plan.  
  
"Come on, the best place is the next parade," I said as I help Ewan get to his feet so we could finish his bandages.  
  
*Half an hour later, on the streets of MGM Studios*  
  
Ray had decided to join Ewan and Hayden in the motorcade this time, and the two gods had made sure a few Jawas were following the car. Guen and I had once again blended into the audience, awaiting the right moment. Yoda had been shoved into Guen's bookbag, and he had stopped yelling a while ago.  
  
"There they are," Guen pointed out.  
  
"I think it's best to wait until we're in the stormtroopers' blind spots to head over," I said, I had had issues with them before. So we waited. And as soon as the last stormtrooper flanking the red convertible had passed us, Guen and I ran in. Sure enough, the Jawa made a grab for Guen's bookbag, and Guen was glad to let him have it. Our task completed, we dashed back to the crowds, narrowly missing the next legion of stormtroopers, and waved goodbye to the gods. 


End file.
